meeting Forgiveness

Forgiveness…I’m terrified to let her in. 

If I’m being completely honest, she’s been waiting patiently at my front door for quite some time. She knocks every once in a while, and sometimes I secretly peek at her from the upstairs window. She wears a baby blue shirtwaist dress, kitten heels, and her white, toothy smile is perfectly complemented by candy apple red lipstick. Each day, stands at my doorstep with her head held high and holds a plate of freshly baked homemade cookies.

Nothing about her demeanor says she’s here to cause trouble, yet I find myself avoiding her every attempt to get close to me. I often wonder if she’s seen me looking at her from afar, but something tells me that even if she did notice, she wouldn’t judge me for it. Regardless, I’m not interested in anything she has to say. If I turn my music up loud enough or leave the house, I can mostly convince myself she’s not there, waiting for me. Day after day, my door (and heart) remain closed.

You may be wondering why I won’t let her in. Although I’ve spoken harshly of her, please know that I’ve spent hours pacing back and forth in my entryway, obsessively pondering if I am finally ready to meet her face-to-face. Countless are the amount of times I've placed my hand on the door handle only to quickly pull it back as if burned by the touch. I know she means well, I know she isn’t here to hurt me. Whatever-I'll just admit it. I’m scared of Forgiveness. I’m scared of what she’ll think when she sees me, how she will treat me after having made her wait all this time, and most of all, I’m scared of how I’ll feel once she is seated comfortably in my home. What will I say? Where will I begin?

Ever so patiently, Forgiveness waits.

She has all the time in the world for me, and she’s made it clear that she isn’t going anywhere. As many times before, I hear a knock. This time, the knock is different. Louder. Although she’s persistent, she’s not Patience (I know this because I’ve had Patience over to my house for tea many times, and she only knocks once).  I feel that Forgiveness is getting ready to walk away.

My right hand grazes the top latch, I watch my fingers as they slowly turn the knob. Although I am fearful, I don’t want her to leave. Not yet. 

I take a deep breath and look down. To my disbelief, I watch as my fingers turn the deadbolt, slide open the chain lock, and finally turn the door handle.

I don't know how this visit will go, but I do know that if I want to live a life of peace, if I want to move forward, I must spend time with her.

Full of fear and reluctance, I courageously open the door and greet her sheepishly.

I am ready to meet Forgiveness.